Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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