and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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