I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize