Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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