did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize