Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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