You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And then my night got REAL pukey
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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