i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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