and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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