I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
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I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
where are my eyebrows?
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