turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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