how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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