I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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