trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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