I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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