You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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