I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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