my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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