Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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