I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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