Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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