Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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