I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize