It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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