Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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