took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize