I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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