The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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