Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize