I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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