if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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