Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
its liver damage thursday
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize