ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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