we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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