he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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