Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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