Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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