Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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