im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize