Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
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I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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