All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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