If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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