i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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