I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you have to choose: penises or morals?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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