what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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