I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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