I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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