I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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