he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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