Swine flu is the new snow day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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